Tonight on ESPN: The Graduates!

I just recently came back from my sister’s graduation ceremony, which don’t misunderstand me was a fun time. However, I couldn’t help noticing that before the ceremony started there was music that would be playing before a baseball game on the loud speakers. They were trying to pump the crowd up! Which raised the question: What if graduations were more like a sporting event?

An announcer would say things like “Now entering from left field, your MVP, with a 4.0 gpa over the span of his entire career: Tom “has no life” Whiiiiiiiite!”. Tom White (which is just a generic name I picked) would then come up to the podium and give a speech, “ It’s been a long year. We all know how I had to battle the injuries of mental block and brain freeze, but I stayed tough. When the professors threw a curveball at me, I knocked it out of the park! My paper writing skills are unmatched, and no I did not need to take steroids like certain people to accomplish my feats.”

The rest of the graduates would jog out from left field to the tune of Enter the Sandman to receive their diplomas/medals. The starting lineup would be composed of Tom White and his fellow overachievers, while the bench would be composed of those who were the slackers. In the middle of the graduation ceremony, there would be a half time show complete with T-shirt rocket launchers. One lucky fan would be selected to come on the field and shake the hand of Mr. White.

Unfortunately this is not the way real graduations work. The ceremonies are rather long and boring, and do little to keep you entertained. However, parents/friends/families did run onto the field which I found obnoxious. At a wedding, you don’t run up to the altar.

This was the graduates' moment, not the parents/friends/family. I realize you’re excited but you can wait until after to congratulate your graduate. I will say at least none of the “fans” went streaking on the field as they might do at a baseball game, so they had slightly more class than the bleacher creatures which isn’t saying much.

Until next time,
I’m just your friendly neighborhood Bloggerman