The Fast and The Furious: The Streets of Mushroom Kingdom

As I was driving around town the other day stuck behind an old person driving about 10 miles per hour, I couldn’t help but think there must be a better way. My mind suddenly flashed back to the hours upon hours spent playing Mario Kart on my Nintendo 64 with my friends. What if real life drivers had the option to use the items from Mario Kart?

The first item to come to mind was the hated Blue Shell. For those of you that don’t play the game, the Blue Shell is the cheapest item in the game. You use it, and it automatically flies towards the person in first place and hits them. Now, something that stops you from going too fast what does that sound like? You guessed it, the police! Police would ride blue shells that would hit you for pulling too far ahead of the rest of the pack (this is why you should always have someone going faster than you to tail if you’re going to speed).

The second item to come to my mind was the almost as hated Red Shell. The red shell immediately seeks the person in front of you. There are ways to avoid the red shell though, so it’s not quite as cheap as the obnoxious blue one. The red shell could be deployed whenever the driver in front of you was crawling at a speed of 30 mph when it’s a 45 mph zone. Somehow it would make the car magically float behind you instead of making them crash...this is real life and I don’t want to hypothetically kill any fellow drivers.

Anyone who has ever driven on the highway has had the problem of having a truck drive in front of them that is too large to see over or around, especially on narrow roads. Well, worry no more! The lightning bolt would shrink them so that not only could you see over them, but you could pass them very easily too! Just beware the trucker doesn’t hit you with a red shell to reassert their masculinity.

An item I had trouble coming up with a real life use for was the mushroom, as we already have accelerators. However, then I thought of all those old people who just can’t seem to even drive at the speed limit anymore. Grandma/Grandpa will never be slow again if they had a mushroom to use, especially a golden one.

Assuming these items didn’t cause major crashes, I think they could make driving much more efficient. As well as making driving a lot more entertaining, who would ever fall asleep at the wheel again with all this craziness happening around them? I certainly wouldn’t, but I have a feeling I’d end up hating blue shells even more than I do now.

Until next time,
I’m just your friendly neighborhood Bloggerman