So long and thanks for all the Kibble and Bits

I looooove dogs. Just ask anyone who knows me, I’ve always had dogs in my life. I'm pretty sure before mommy or daddy, one of my first words was Puppy! My laptop background is a picture of my dogs at the dog park because I miss them so much when I’m away from them.

Being such a dog lover, I talk to my dogs A LOT. I found myself wondering when baby talking to my puppy the other day though, what if he could talk back? What would he sound like? Would he have a rich deep voice like Barry White’s? Or sound more like Mickey Mouse? Would he be intelligent sounding or would every word out of his mouth just be “Squirrel!”?

Would my other dog, the female Golden Retriever be a dumb blonde as many suggest she is? I can just imagine her talking to her other doggy friends about how they need to get their nails done, go in for a grooming, and shop for the latest doggy purse accessories (they exist, I know because she had one as a puppy). Would the puppy who is an English Cream Golden Retriever be a prep as everyone suggests he would? Would that mean he buys all his gear from Ambercrombie & Fetch? (I don’t think I made this name up, but maybe I did)

What about us? Would we really feel safe in our own homes if dog could talk? I mean think about all the embarrassing things you do in front of your pet, would you really want them to be gossiping with other pets about the things they see you do? For me, that would mean my dogs gossiping about how badly I dance sometimes when I think no one is watching.

I can only imagine talking to my dog as I sometimes did in high school about whatever social problem I was having at the time, and her saying, “Stop your whining, god you’re so annoying”. Maybe it’s for the best that animals don’t speak. Maybe we love them so much because we have no way of knowing what they truly think about us, and that way we can just say they love us as much as we love them. All I know is when my dogs start speaking, I’ll be needing a paper bag to wear over my head in public.

Until next time,
I’m just your friendly neighborhood Bloggerman